Frozen Bananas

A girl I met at a friend’s party had asked me over for dinner next Saturday night. I had not had a female relationship for over a year, being across the country from home, and so was looking forward to getting to know this lovely girl.

She had many attributes; being blond, slim and very active in the community. Her intelligence showed in the conversations I overheard her having with the other guests. I was a little surprised but pleased when she zeroed in on me near the end of the evening as I certainly was not the most handsome man there.

Saturday night could not come fasten enough, as I wondered what to wear, what kind of wine I should choose to bring and would roses be too much for a first date? Friday I went for a haircut, bought a new shirt, and was ready for the night, hoping that she would enjoy my company as I anticipated I was going to enjoy hers.

I arrived at exactly seven. Samantha opened the door on my first knock. She looked stunning with a long black dress with a slit up one side. She was in her bare feet, with bright red on her toenails. Her hair was pinned at one side the other flowing long and shining. She had wine chilling in a large glass container with long stem glasses to match. I felt I had died and gone to heaven at this point.

We had a couple of martinis, then two glasses of wine. She reserved the wine I brought to go with dinner and seemed impressed with my choice. Conversation through a lovely dinner of salmon steaks, potatoes mashed with a great white sauce and she had put the vegetables on the side in case I did not like asparagus and mushrooms. Dessert would come later she said as she poured more wine into our glasses.

Our conversation was never lacking and one comment from her, seemingly slipped into the chat, was that she was an oral person, and not just in talk. My first thought was I am going to get sex tonight. After dinner, we went back to drinking martinis. Samantha asked if I would mix another batch while she freshened up. God I was in heaven. I am not a big drinker and the alcohol was starting to hit me. My brain starting to feel fuzzy.

I went to the frig for ice and noticed in the door of the freezer were several over-ripe bananas, looking dark and cold.

I almost fainted as I realized they were not bananas at all! My stomach lurched as I picked one up. They were frozen penises!

I felt like I was going to pass out as I heard Samantha call out what was taking me so long. I stuffed it back into the frig and was pulling the ice out when she came around the corner. She pulled me towards her with her open mouth, kissing me hard and started undoing my belt. She bent down as she pulled and twisted my pants to my ankles.

I helplessly stood still but my brain was in a flurry of fear.

What was a man to do?